The strength and endurance of a friendship lies in the quality of the connection between a person and his best friend
Connections are the security you feel when you express your thoughts and feelings to friends; knowing that they will not try to change or judge you, trusting that they can help and allowing them to help whatever problems you have.
If the above describes your relationship with your friend, congratulations! You have good connections with your friends. Surely you have done a lot to build, strengthen and maintain that friendship.
However, most are not like that. Most likely you are in a difficult situation, trying to repair a broken and messy relationship, or even have taken your hands off and let a relationship break up.
I am very familiar with the situation. I have many friendship relationships that were destroyed in the past. Relationships that do not work out because of small problems that are not properly communicated and resolved. I have faced years of frustration, disappointment, and distrust.
The problem I faced at that time was that I didn’t know what a good friendship relationship was (WHAT I just didn’t know, what else with HOW). I always try to guess their needs and not fully open to my situation. I focus on what I need from them. However, I began to learn to improve and be committed. That finally changed my friendly relationship.
If you want to build connections that not only last but also bear fruit, I invite you to implement these commitments in your friendship.
Commitment 1: The goal of friendship is a safe and loving relationship.
No one starts a friendship with the aim of being disappointed and eventually breaking down. The thing we need to remember is that when we encounter problems in a relationship, we have an instinct to protect ourselves. We will close ourselves tightly and distance ourselves and others to avoid pain. If you are not committed to maintaining the goals of your friendship, this pain and fear will change your friendship goals from safe relationships to broken relationships.
Downward Spiral of Disconnection
There is a phenomenon called the ” Downward spiral of disconnection ” or downward spiral of disconnection. If someone is hurt he will close himself and stay away from relationships. Feeling this, the other person will do the same thing, withdrawing from the relationship. This will happen repeatedly and each repetition will make their relationship worse. Without them knowing they were cut off. They seemed to say to one another ” I will reward what you do worse! “
If you commit to having a safe and loving relationship, you will not withdraw when hurt and will not reciprocate when hurt. You will remember the purpose of friendship and try to build connections. You will say to your friend ” I will help you so that we reach the peak of this friendship together and I will not stop to build a better relationship “
Making a good habit is very important in establishing friendly relations. I have a unique habit with one of my friends: We will call and even meet face to face if one of us has bad thoughts about the other. Then we will tell you why those bad thoughts come up, apologize, and encourage one another. We try to solve everything before more problems accumulate. With that we try to continue to build better relationships with continuous communication.
How much security do you get from your best friend?
What will you do to increase the security?
Commitment 2: Try to fulfill one another’s needs
I am the type of person who wants his needs available quickly and precisely. I want to be noticed. All of me, me, and me. It shouldn’t be like that. Humans are social creatures created by God with the aim of finding, finding, and building relationships with God. The ability to build this relationship can also be applied in friendly relations. A two-way connection that understands and tries to fulfill.
HUMANS ARE THE SOCIAL ORIGINALLY CREATED BY GOD WITH THE OBJECTIVE OF SEARCHING, FINDING, AND ESTABLISHING RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. THE ABILITY TO ESTABLISH THIS RELATIONSHIP ALSO CAN BE IMPLEMENTED IN A FRIENDSHIP RELATIONSHIP.
Needs or needs referred to here are needs that are intangible or without physical form. Needs with physical form such as money loans and others I believe we can easily provide. Emotional needs are sometimes difficult to meet.
Commitment 3: Learn to listen, speak the truth, and adapt.
Like a broken signal that interferes with a telephone session, you will be difficult to meet the needs of friends if the exchange of information is not established smoothly. Over the years I have had assumptions with my friends and many of them have been proven wrong. Assumptions will not help anything even more often to cause problems. I learned to be a different person, I tried to listen and ask questions. From there a sense of security and trust began to emerge on both sides.
The first step
A good relationship starts with the ability to honestly express what’s happening in your heart and mind to friends. This does not mean being blunt without looking at the situation but telling the truth in love as said at Ephesians 4:15
OTHERWISE, TELLING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, WE WILL GROW IN EVERYTHING TO HIM, WHICH IS THE HEAD, IF CHRIST.
This is as important as being able to hear what a friend is trying to say to you, either explicitly or implicitly, then helping to fulfill what he needs. Sometimes listening is better than giving advice.
Try to understand
In the process of trying to meet someone’s needs, you will be faced with situations where you have to adjust yourself. I am not an easy person to show affection or affection. I remember when I tried to build a relationship with one best friend, I had to adjust myself to him who needed a lot of emotional help. I learned to listen to his curhatan (to volunteer to stay at his house because he ventured until late at night), learn to give advice without seeming to patronize, and I learn to see life from his melancholy point of view . In this way I tried to show my affection to him.
I want to be equal with him, to be a friend who is ready to help him become a better person. I didn’t do it perfectly but I will do everything I can to make the relationship with him better. Until now we are still friends, even more closely than before.
Sometimes we are afraid that being honest or open will damage the relationship. This is a very wrong thing! Remember that you are building relationships based on security, not fear. Like a bitter medicine that must be taken to heal, openness is very important for a better relationship.